At some point of my life, there came a time when I
got really mad to my brother. He was called the “black sheep” of the family. I
hated him for a being a rebel. He would go out with his peers for how many days
without even asking permission from our parents. He drank alcohol and even
involved to physical fights thus bringing so much stress to our family. We were
always worried of him being hurt because of his behavior, which sometimes
prevent us from sleeping all night. Before, he seldom does those things, until
it worsened and he started doing a lot of more complicated things, in taking
harmful substances.
I
thought he was our family’s headache, the cause of the problem. Because he was
bad and taking so much attention from us, a pain in the ass. We were stressed
because of him and it’s in his attitude where the problem lies. But getting
into college was a different thing. There is just so much information and
explanations for the things that I was not able to understand before. I’m not
saying that I already know everything, but at least I know now that there is
something wrong with what I thought was right in the past. I had a glimpsed of
the reality which I was blinded before, that it was not his fault alone. And like
every members of our family, he was also a victim of stress. And we are all at
fault and a patient at the same time.
According
to the book Filipino Children under Stress written by Maria Lourdes Carandang
of Ateneo De Manila University, there is this thing she called symptomatic behavior, frequently seen in child, as signal of
some stress, or conflict, within the family system. There were some case
studies in her book where kids experienced so much pressure from the family and
odd behaviors were observed.
As
the family experienced problem, maybe financially or within their relationships
to each other, it is impossible for any member not to feel it. Every changes
happening in an individual inside the family will affect the other, and
sometimes the weakest carry all the weight of these conflicts. The problem is
not the real problem. But it is how the family handles the problems. Some
families don’t discuss it, as if the problem will just disappear like a magic
even without confronting it. While the parents crumble upon facing the stress,
the children start to acquire a superpower, the power of invisibility. They
become the last of priorities and least on the lists of those needing their
attention. The children starts to feel like an extra baggage in the family,
things were not explained and stress were taken out unto them. The parents may
not discuss that there is problem, but all members knew it, they could feel and
there is always someone who’s going to shout out for help. It becomes their channel
of expressing the pressure, to get their parent’s attention. Their way shouting, asking for help to save
their family.
In
treating the child whom experienced the breakdown, the family must cooperate
and realize that all of them have a problem to address. They must support one
another to overcome the problem. While it’s still early, let us learn how to
listen to listen to each other’s unspoken cries, before it’s too late.
As
I tried to think back, there was really something wrong in our family during
the developing years of my brother. All those years, what he got from my
parents were scolding, anger and aloofness from his siblings. He didn’t received
what he really needed from us, love and understanding. I didn’t know that he
was once a little boy, with a vulnerable heart and in need of attention.
We
have allowed the huge problem to prevent us from looking into each other’s
eyes. To hug each other and say that “it’s okay, things gonna be alright”. It
would have helped a lot.
SocSci10
Z Group 5
Enriquez,
Ryan
Flores,
Nathaniel Lorenz
Galido,
Noel Joseph
Jimenez,
Rica
Paican,
Maria Luzviminda
Vergara,
Bryan
